just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
