What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
