Pregnant stripper...not hot.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
