I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
