I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
