I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
