Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
