and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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