i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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