About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
