community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
