I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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