Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
