the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
