I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
