I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
