Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My bed smells like the plague
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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