I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
