he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
