Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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