Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
