I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
