you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
