I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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