I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
