Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
