There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
