If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I want her autograph on my taint
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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