there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
