I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
