Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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