honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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