I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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