We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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