PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
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Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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