Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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