Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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