Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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