You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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