I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
