Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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