I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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