Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
