I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
