wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
