dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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