Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
