So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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