I can't watch pbs sober anymore
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
