better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
