I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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