he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
