So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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