No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
