she looked like the bat from fern gully.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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