I didn't shave. On purpose
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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