you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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