Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
