:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
