watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
